


umbrella hoes [ON HOLD]

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben hasn't died yet, Ben looking after Klaus, Diego and Luther fighting, Diego is a mamas boy, Even numbers feels, Five is missing, Fluff, Ghosts, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Luther Hargreeves Being an Asshole, No Incest, Numbers not names, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Teenagers, Texting, Underage Drug Use, Vanya being ignored, because klaus, but he can be redeemed, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which, the Hargreeves children have phones to help them communicate when on missions. What does Four do? Make a family group chat of course!Notes: The title is a WIP and temporary, idk what this is exactly or where the plot is going but I wrote one of these fics a few years ago for fun and thought why not???
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 14
Kudos: 101





	1. 00.01

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all, this is a new fic that popped into my head with the typical group chat trope. also can season two hurry up and get here-

_**Four created a new group chat.  
** _ _**Four named the group chat 'Umbrella Hoes'** _

**Four:** hola amigos

**Two:** n o 

**One:** What is the meaning of this Four?

**Two:** why did u add one?

**Four:** it's a family group chat~ 

**Three:** we've had phones for a year why are we only making this now???

**One:** It shouldn't be made. Dad said we aren't allowed to mess around.

**Three:** but One, it could be helpful on a mission <3

**One:** I guess... 

**Six:** four, if this is a ~family gc~ why isn't seven here?

**Four:** oops i forgot she existed

**_Four added Seven to 'Umbrella Hoes'_ **

**Six:** four- seriously??? you forgot

**Four:** shush tentacle boi, im illiterate

**Two:** i hate it here

**Seven:** Oh, hi...

**Three:** hi seven!! 

**One:** These phones are for missions, why does Seven have one? I'm telling dad.

**Two:** ur such an asshole 

**One:** Shut up.

**Two:** or what? 

**Four:** ohhh im going to ask mom for some popcorn

**Two:** shush four

**One:** Four, do you ever shut up?

**Four:** wow jeez. i came here for a good time and now im just being attacked

**Two:** don't talk to him like that 

**Six:** i go for a second to finish my book and come back to this? i hate my life. take me now.

**Three:** guys come on... calm down maybe?

**One:** I told Dad anyway. He's took Seven's phone.

**Three:** i guess you are right...

**Two:** oh how surprising you think that

**Two:** i'm sick of ur bullshit number one

**_Even Numbers <3_ **

**Six:** four are you okay?

**Four:** oh you know me, im just peachy!

**Two:** one was being an ass to u tho

**Six:** i'll be in your room in 10

**Two:** give me half an hour and i'll be there 2. i'll ask mom for some coco too

**Four:** danke <3 

**_Direct Message between Four and Six_ **

**Four:** hey are you awake??

**Four:** wait it's five am ignore me

**Six:** no no its good, im awake

**Six:** can't sleep?

**Four:** brave of you to assume i ever sleep

**Six:** how many are there?

**Four:** only two. one is really loud tho, she's being delightful and retelling me her death 

**Six:** oh. what about the other one?

**Four:** he seems... ~nice~ for a ghost, they're a soldier i think

**Four:** the bullet wound in his chest isn't nice to look at when ur trying to sleep tho aha

**Six:** move over and dont wake Two

**Four:** cuddles?

**Six:** if you want 

**Four:** :)


	2. 00.02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mention of drugs and underage drug use because ya know Four.
> 
> BTW there is no incest in this fic. 1) gross 2) the kids are only 13 so they won't have love interests until they're older :)  
> The relationship between One and Three is strictly them being best friends! Same with the even numbers,,,

**_Umbrella Hoes_ **

**Three:** I'm going to start locking my closet

**Three:** #FourGetOutMyCloset :)

**One:** Is he bothering you?

**Three:** only when he steals my favorite skirt skdhsuiesh it's fine One <3

**One:** If you're sure... <3

**Two:** morning incest twins,,, keep it out of the family chat please

**Three:** says you, what were you doing sneaking into four's room last night? :))

**Two:** none of ur business, me and Six just wanted to hangout with Four so stfu

**One:** Stop being rude to her.

**Two:** jeez all i'm saying is keep ur nasty incest thing away from the rest of us

**Three:** there is no 'incest' thing

**Three:** shut up Two

**One:** Anyway, I'll have a word with Four when he gets back

**Six:** what do you mean 'gets back'?

**One:** Dad took him for some special training. I don't see how it's fair, why does Four get so much extra training when he doesn't take anything seriously?

**Two:** there must be a reason, kay? maybe the old man is trying to get Four to idk care about missions

**Six:** it's not like four asks for extra training. just leave it one

**Three:** guys, i just found something in four's room

**Three:** I think it's drugs ;-;

**One:** He is always high, we already know this.

**Six:** why were you snooping in his room?

**Two:** wait drugs as in,,, not just weed?

**Three:** 1) i was looking for my nail polish he borrowed 2) yeah it's these weird white pills in a bag

**Three:** I'm worried about him :/

**One:** Maybe.. we can help him? 

**Six:** you can't help someone who doesnt want help

**One:** We have to try.

**Six:** it's useless

**Two:** wait six did u already know? u aint acting all 2 surprised 

**Six:** I had a feeling... but yeah, anyway he hasn't been taking anything for a few weeks

**One:** Why not?

**Six:** he's trying to summon five

**Three:** oh... two can you help me get rid of these?

**Two:** yeah...

**Two:** wait, hold upp

**_Two created a new group chat.  
Two named the group chat 'Four-sitting'_ **

**Six:** we are NOT going to start babysitting four, he'd hate that

**Two:** i know but this is like 4 us to discuss the shit we did in the chat without four coming back and seeing it :/ he'd get rlly cagey about it

**Three:** but he'll see the messages in the other chat

**Six:** no no he made me chat admin, i'll erase the messages from today

**One:** Why did he make you the admin? I'm number One?

**Two:** stfu One not everything is about u

**_Direct Message between One and Three_ **

**One:** Four will be okay, won't he?

**Three:** of course he will, anyway we'll help him

**One:** But what if Six is right? What if we can't help him?

**Three:** we wont give up on him. anyway this is four, he'll love the attention!! he'll be okay one. i promise.

**One:** Yeah, you're right. Thank you Three <3

**Three:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I kind of want to focus on the friendships between the siblings in the next few chapters. In this house we hurt Four and make Reginald give him extra training because torturing Four is fun. Also One showing concern over his sibling is the tea - he and Three mean well, I promise.
> 
> Idk how long it'll be before they finally get names, depends how frustrated I get when I accidentally write their names instead of their numbers.  
> Who should I focus on next? I'm thinking either Two and Grace, or Six dealing with the Horror. Of course there will be consequences to this chapter.
> 
> P.S: Last chapter if one of the ghosts Four described seemed familiar then :))).


	3. 00:03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone who commented on this work previously. This incoming chapter is quite a long one but hey, you deserve it if you've stuck around this long after my... well, my last update was in like June. I'm sorry for not updating this sooner but: 1)my Nana is having some health issues and is now back in hospital, 2) I lost a lot of motivation to continue this work, 3) my school has now gone back to face-to-face lessons instead of online. 
> 
> I'm doing okay though and I hope you beautiful people are too. Also Misfits is now on Netflix here in the UK so more Robert content for me to rewatch :D
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

_**'Umbrella Hoes'** _ ****

**Two:** i'm making cookies for you two

**Three:** which two?

**Two:** wrong chat

**Two:** not for you that's for sure

**One:** You have another chat?

**Two:** no.

**One:** Two...

**Six:** even numbers only :)

**Six:** and thanks two

**Three:** ever since when can you bake?

**Two:** i'm doing it with mom, k? mom likes baking so   
_Read at 13:07_

**Two:** wow, is me baking rlly that shocking that you all don't say anything for 20 mins?

**Six:** i don't know about those guys but i was waiting for four to poke fun at you for being a mommas boy but all he's doing rn is drooling on my pillow :(

**Six:** should drool on his own pillow rlly

**Three:** wait four's back? is he okay? <3

**One:** At least he's sleeping for once.

**Two:** yeah hence part of the reason for cookies. for four and six.

**One:** I don't want your cookies anyways.

**One:** I bet they're horrible.

**Six:** please not today, please god, let them shut up rn

**Six:** wait,

**Two:** ur face is horrible

**One:** Oh, really?

_**Six has kicked One and** _ _**Two out of the chat** _

**Six:** i'm admin

**Three:** Well then...

**Three:** how are you Six?

**Six:** lol just dealing with a monster living in my stomach, the usual really.

**Three:** oh... does that hurt?

**Six:** yeah, my stomach ache is off the charts and two thought mom's cookies would do the trick. they won't.

**Three:** is there anything i can do to help?

**Six:** no. i'll have to deal with this on my own but thank you. plus four is asleep on my arm so i'm trapped

**Three:** how are you typing?

**Six:** one handed duh

**Three:** have you ever tried to type with your tentacles?

**Six:** no? pretty sure they'd try and destroy the phone instead.

_**Even Numbers <3** _

**Two:** sixxxxxxxxx

**Two:** sixxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Six:** no, i'm not adding you the chat until we get the cookies

**Two:** u suck bro

**Four:** yeah brooooooo

**Two:** four! u good?

**Four:** i'm just peachy lol why wouldn't i be? i'm always 100% fine yippy do

**Two:** ...okay?

**Six:** get off my arm dumbass :(

**Four:** no. i like ur arm, it's mine now tentacle boi

**Four:** didjdjdjdidjsjsjskaakowidnxn

**Four:** stop hitting me!!

**Six:** freedom! i'm free at last.

**Six:** i spoke too soon, four is now clinging to me like a sloth. what did i do to deserve this?

**Two:** rather u than me

**Two:** don't want to deal w his weird ass shit today like

**Four:** thank you mi hermano, your love for me is noted

**Two:** hey, i do love you :(

**Two:** don't tell anyone i said that

**Six:** lovely.

**Four:** WAIT TWO GO MAKE US YOUR COOKIES RN

_**Umbrella Hoes** _

**Four:** the fun sibling makes a return

**Four:** joking, i'm not talking on here today bye. i already have a headache without the screen :(

**Three:** i'm glad you're okay!

**Four:** haha yeah... thanks :)

**Six:** i'm not.

**Three:** Six !!

**Six:** what? he needs to get off me right this second.

**Three:** ... moving on, One would like to be added back to the chat <3

**Six:** ugh.

_**Six added One and Two back to the chat** _

**One:** Thank you. Although, you shouldn't have kicked me in the first place.

**Six:** for my sanity i did

**Four:** four**

**Four:** STOP

**Four:** HITTING

**Four:** mE

**Four:** okay okay i'm going off my phone okay

**Two:** guys. mom just asked me how we'd all feel about getting names for our birthday

**One:** We already have names.

**Two:** ik that's what i said but she told me a normal name other than a number ??? she said we don't have to keep the one she chooses if we don't like it

**Four:** bet five would've declined any name she gave lol

**Six:** i'd like to hear her suggestion but it sounds... fun

**Four:** i'm definitely taking the name,,, it'll be something really sexy

**Three:** ^^

**Three** : not what four said disjshaj i mean i agree with six

**Four:** we know your type is ur brothers don't worry

**Two:** omg four that was perfect

**Two:** call them out for the nasty incest

**One:** But Three is my best friend. We don't like each other like that.

**Two:** uhuh sure

**One:** Also, I don't want a name. Is father okay with this?

**Six:** he has to be or mom would never have told two about it

**Six:** dad did programme her remember

_**Direct Message between One and Three** _

**Three:** you don't have to feel guilty about getting a name.

**One:** What?

**Three:** One, I know you.

**Three:** four was right when he said five would've declined any name anyways. you don't need to feel guilty.

**One:** just he deserves to at least get the chance to decline... I should've protected him more. I'm number One and I failed Five.

**Three:** who told you that? because they're wrong.

**One:** No. Dad told me and he isn't wrong at all.

**Three:** one... we all failed five, not just you. don't blame yourself please.

**One:** I'll try...

**Three:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so... I haven't written in this format for a hot minute so it might have some mistakes but... I hope you guys enjoyed!!  
> It's my birthday tomorrow so no posts for then but I hope to make updates a regular thing.  
> Please remember to leave a comment, and a kudos if you haven't already.
> 
> -Nathan <3


End file.
